THE SHARED RESPONSES
Characteristics in Veteran’s Wife, Partner,
Family Members and Close Friends
MEMORIES
Preoccupation
with
the
veteran.
Constant
tension
and
anxiety
because
you
never
know
what
he’ll
do
next.
Critical
or
self-righteous
martyr
attitude
because
of
what
he
has
put
you
through.
Continual
manipulation
of
veteran
and/or
circumstances
in
order
to
be
in
control
in
a
situation
that
is
out of control.
ISOLATION
May
have
few
friends
or
be
unable
to
relate
to
friends
as
you
would
like
to
because:
Veteran
has
alienated
you
with
his
actions
or
attitudes
in
the
past.
Veteran
has
isolated
family
and/or
is
jealous
of
them.
You
have
alienated
friends
because
of
your
constant
family
hassles.
The
friends
and
family you do have tell you you, “Get rid of him!”
EMOTIONAL
NUMBING
Sexual
problems.
You
feel
that
you
cannot
be
truly
intimate
with
the
veteran.
Distrust
of
God,
“How
could
he
let
this
happen?”
Low
self-esteem.
Escapes
into
fantasy
world,
TV,
thoughts
of
affairs,
compulsive
buying
etc.
May
lean
on
children,
friends,
or
mother
too
heavily
for
emotional
support.
DEPRESSION
Sense
of
helplessness
and
hopelessness,
“Tied
of
trying.”
Sets
up
for
disappointments.
Low
self-esteem,
evidenced
by
poor appearance, dirty home etc.
ANGER AND
OTHER RELATED
EMOTIONS
Resentment
and
bitterness
developed
over
the
years
not
only
toward
the
veteran,
but
others.
Withdrawal
from
veteran
and
family
emotionally.
Constant
fear
and
anxiety.
May
provoke
or
instigate
fights
or
arguments
with
veteran
or take it out on the kids.
OVER
RESPONSIBILITY
In
an
attempt
to
keep
the
family
stable,
may
take
over
the
financial
and
other
responsibilities
as
well
as
the
“wife”
and
“mother”
roles
leading
to
such
traits
as:
think
and
fewel
responsible
for
others,
perfectionism,
feels
safe
when
giving,
nagging
or
silence,
peace
at
any
price,
does
things
out
of
a
sense
of
duty,
feelings
of
anxiety,
pity,
guilt,
need
to
help
husband
and
others,
harried
and
pressured,
constant
time
pressure,
blame
the
husband
and
the
children
for
the
spot
they
are
in,feelings
of
anger,
victimisation,
un
appreciation and a sense of being used.
GUILT
Guilt
for
having
married
a
veteran
as
well
as
guilt
for
thoughts
of
leaving
him.
Sorry
for
putting
the
children
through
trauma.
Constant
financial
stress,
never
knowing
how
they
will
be
able
to
pay
mounting
bills,
how
long
will
he
work
or
keep
a
job
if
discharged.
Feelings
that
it’s
my
fault.
If
I
were
a
better
wife,
things
would
be
different.
Feels
guilty
about
spending
money
on
themselves
or
having
a
hard
time
just
having
fun.
Feels
guilty
about
everything.
Fears
rejection. Often comes from troubled dysfunctional family.
STRESS
Feels
that
if
one
more
thing
happens,
I’ll
lose
my
mind.
Over
commitment to constant time pressure.
DENIAL
Denies
that
she
or
the
children
have
problems…”After
all,
in
spite of the circumstances, look how well I keep it together.”
Denial
that
husband
has
problem
or
totally
blames
the
veteran
for
ALL
problems.
Denial
that
the
Lord
or
others
can
help
her
husband
or
her
family.
“We
have
already
tried
everything and nothing has worked.”