MEMORIES

Preoccupation with the veteran. Constant tension and anxiety because you never know what he’ll do next. Critical or self-righteous martyr attitude because of what he has put you through. Continual manipulation of veteran and/or circumstances in order to be in control in a situation that is out of control.

ISOLATION

May have few friends or be unable to relate to friends as you would like to because: Veteran has alienated you with his actions or attitudes in the past. Veteran has isolated family and/or is jealous of them. You have alienated friends because of your constant family hassles. The friends and family you do have tell you you, “Get rid of him!”

EMOTIONAL NUMBING

Sexual problems. You feel that you cannot be truly intimate with the veteran. Distrust of God, “How could he let this happen?” Low self-esteem. Escapes into fantasy world, TV, thoughts of affairs, compulsive buying etc. May lean on children, friends, or mother too heavily for emotional support.

DEPRESSION

Sense of helplessness and hopelessness, “Tied of trying.” Sets up for disappointments. Low self-esteem, evidenced by poor appearance, dirty home etc.

ANGER AND OTHER RELATED EMOTIONS

Resentment and bitterness developed over the years not only toward the veteran, but others. Withdrawal from veteran and family emotionally. Constant fear and anxiety. May provoke or instigate fights or arguments with veteran or take it out on the kids.

OVER RESPONSIBILITY

In an attempt to keep the family stable, may take over the financial and other responsibilities as well as the “wife” and “mother” roles leading to such traits as: think and fewel responsible for others, perfectionism, feels safe when giving, nagging or silence, peace at any price, does things out of a sense of duty, feelings of anxiety, pity, guilt, need to help husband and others, harried and pressured, constant time pressure, blame the husband and the children for the spot they are in,feelings of anger, victimisation, un appreciation and a sense of being used.

GUILT

Guilt for having married a veteran as well as guilt for thoughts of leaving him. Sorry for putting the children through trauma. Constant financial stress, never knowing how they will be able to pay mounting bills, how long will he work or keep a job if discharged. Feelings that it’s my fault. If I were a better wife, things would be different. Feels guilty about spending money on themselves or having a hard time just having fun. Feels guilty about everything. Fears rejection. Often comes from troubled dysfunctional family.

STRESS

Feels that if one more thing happens, I’ll lose my mind. Over commitment to constant time pressure.

DENIAL

Denies that she or the children have problems…”After all, in spite of the circumstances, look how well I keep it together.” Denial that husband has problem or totally blames the veteran for ALL problems. Denial that the Lord or others can help her husband or her family. “We have already tried everything and nothing has worked.”